THE RITE OF PASSAGE THAT IS LYING TO YOUR PARENTS

Have you ever told a lie? Me either.

My 10-year old has been playing around on his mom’s computer a bit while she’s away on a trip. I’ve got a pretty good kid filter on our computers, but I still jump into the room unexpectedly now and then just to keep him honest.

So imagine my surprise when I got online after lunch and there in the middle of my wife’s Facebook stream is my son. On a video. With inside-out pajama pants flopping from his head, barking like a sea lion while hunched over like Quasimodo and dancing like a penguin with mad cow disease. The video was titled, “dr. octapus episode 1.”

After 10 replays and 15 minutes of uproariously laughing I called my son into my office. I didn’t want to show my hand, so I casually asked him what he’d been up to. The conversation went like this:

Dad [nonchalant]: So what were you working on this morning?

Son [indifferent]: Oh nothing.

Dad [innocently]: What was it you were doing on the computer?

Son [lying through his teeth]: Just checking out some web sites, getting ready for school to start back up.

Dad [plotting]: Check out this video I just saw on your mom’s Facebook.

…video played…

Son [flabbergasted]: What? Who is that?!

Dad [with fake look of concern]: I’m pretty sure that’s you, son.

Son [insulted]: No way! That’s not me! I don’t even know how to put videos on Facebook. Not even!

Dad [trying not to bust a gut laughing]: DUDE! You’re not going to be in trouble, just tell me the truth.

Son [not really listening to dad]: Nope! Not a chance! Would never do something like… …wait, what? I’m not going to be in trouble? Okay. You’ve gotta check out this next part, it’s hilarious.

The Evil Doctor Octopus

He didn’t even stop to take a breath or wipe his brow! He went from being mortally offended that I would even THINK that he would do such a thing to proud actor/director commenting on the subtleties of his performance without a hesitation.

So I’ll stick to my promise. He won’t get in trouble for today’s mischief. But you can bet that I’m going to save this video and make sure every girl he ever goes out with when he starts dating will see it. Because I’m a parent. And it’s every parent’s duty and obligation to nurture and protect their offspring. And to ruthlessly embarrass them in front of their friends when they become teenagers. It’s a job I take seriously.

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