TODAY I JUST SAID NO TO CHILD SAFETY LOCKS
Before you hit ‘send’ on the hate mail, let me first explain that I am in no way against child safety. In fact, in many instances I am all for it. I believe in swimming lessons and big orange life jackets. My kids are absolutely forbidden to run with scissors, even in an emergency. Helmets are required when using bikes and skateboards and when riding the laundry basket down the stairs.
But I am sick and tired of stubbing my finger or ripping off a fingernail whenever I attempt to open a kitchen cabinet! The flexibility required by my fingers to acquire a pot or pan in my home is beyond ridiculous. The digital dexterity needed to grab a sponge from under the sink is akin to something Jack Bauer would normally be called upon to do.
Tonight when access to my Lazy Susan was blocked I had had enough. Cursing under my breath I stomped to the garage and grabbed my drill. Within seconds I was back in the kitchen, and five minutes later the last of the safety locks was removed. I held it above my head and laughed maniacally. I threw the hardware into the trash and celebrated my freedom by opening every cupboard and cabinet—first with my right hand, then with my left. Then I timed myself and opened every cupboard in less than five seconds.
Was I being reckless? Perhaps. Selfish? Indeed. But every man has his breaking point, and tonight was mine.
What was my wife’s reaction to this madness? She said, “What took you so long?”
And she has a point. Our youngest child is now ten.
Image by nuttakit via FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
5 responses to “TODAY I JUST SAID NO TO CHILD SAFETY LOCKS”
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Haha, that’s hilarious, we were so paranoid with our daughters we did everything under the sun (locked cabinets, stairway gate, soft corners, outlet covers)! We’re probably going to still have that gate up when they’re ten!
“Tonight when access to my Lazy Susan was blocked I had had enough.”
hahahahahah. Troy. I love you! This post is hilarious.
I feel your pain!!! I left one of my bathroom drawers open all day yesterday to remind myself to unscrew the blasted child lock in that drawer–which is strictly guarding an evidently very dangerous box of Q-tips. Of course by the time I was getting ready for bed and hadn’t made it to the garage for a screwdriver, I closed the drawer and will undoubtedly go through it all again tomorrow when it’s time to clean out my ears.
Funny. That happened to us this same time last week, only it was Jonah behind the screwdriver (not a drill), and Bruce and I dancing in glee. Truly, why did it take us so long?
LOVE!