The Time I Took the Toyota to Target

Late-model Toyota Highlander, gold in color

There I was, in the parking lot at Target, walking back to my car. Late-model Toyota Highlander, gold in color. The boys were behind me somewhere, probably running with scissors in front of fast-moving cars. I had only two bags, so I had already ditched the shopping cart. The parking lot was pretty full for a Thursday afternoon. I continued to walk, cursing myself for parking near the wrong entrance, once again.

FINALLY, I saw the car–Late-model Toyota Highlander, gold in color. I put one of the bags in my mouth and gripped it with my teeth so I could open the door. Certainly not what four out of five dentists surveyed would have recommended, but that’s how I roll. Plus, I figured it was a good way to see if the ‘ol chompers still had it. Back in the day I would put a towel in my mouth and play tug-o-war with all the dogs in the neighborhood. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost. But I always walked away with my head held high.

The bag was heavier than I anticipated. I could feel it slipping from my teeth, so I quickened my pace. There must have been a slight downward slope because when I slammed against the driver-side door I was moving at a pretty good clip. I reached for the handle with a panicked urgency–my teeth were losing their grip (boy, if the dogs could see me now). As the door swung open I let the heavy bag go, using my forward momentum to swing it in the right direction.  At that very moment the bottom split open, sending my groceries flying haphazardly inside the car. Right into the lap of the terrified lady sitting in my front seat.

Dramatic re-enactment — Names have been changed — No old ladies were harmed in the making of this photo

She screamed. I grimaced and yelped. The plastic bag still hung from my teeth. She was certain she was under attack, probably by one of those new-age plastic bag wielding gangsters. I slammed the door shut.

Oops. I had opened the wrong late-model Toyota Highlander, gold in color. Poor lady. Mine was parked on the next row over.

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