THE TIME I GOT AN AWESOME NEW JOB!

A few years back I was in the middle of a job search. There weren’t a lot of jobs to be had at that time, so the competition was fierce. Having hired quite a few people myself over the years I knew how hard it was to differentiate yourself from everyone else in the massive stack of resumes. So sometimes I would shake things up a bit.

My wife, Jyl, came home one night and told me she had great news. She had just had dinner with the most wonderful person, and that person was looking to hire someone at her company. Perhaps because she’s anxious to get me out of the house, sometimes Jyl has a tendency to exaggerate my awesomeness to people.

“Stop a speeding bullet? No problem!”

 “Leap tall buildings in a single bound? Like a walk in the park for him! “

“SEO, strategy, and sales? Pshaw, he’ll have it done by noon with one arm tied behind his back and both eyes closed!”

I could only imagine the list of over-the-top qualities my wife had promised her new friend, Lori.

The following Thursday I received an email from the most wonderful Lori. Nothing groundbreaking or earth shattering, just things like “great to meet you”, and a brief job description (“SEO, sales and marketing using various mediums, etc.). She included her contact information with a request to reply if I was interested.  It was kind of her to write, but I was getting tired of sending in the same old cover letter and resume extolling my virtues and singing my praises. So I decided to take a different tack–I responded as if Lori had just offered me the job, sight unseen. Here was my reply:

 Lori,

It’s awesome to finally eMeet you! Jyl has been talking about you non-stop for the past couple of weeks…well alright, she did stop while we watched a movie last weekend, but other than that it’s been pretty much constant. I’ll plan on starting Monday if that’s okay with you. I usually like to roll in around 9:30 (that way I miss most of the traffic). Do you know if my email will be set up that first day? I can’t tell you how excited I am to have a new email address! My last one was SO LONG, it was almost embarrassing to give it to people. I had to have extra-wide business cards just to fit the whole address on one line.

So what will I be doing there? Do you know how many personal days off I get each month, or should I call Human Resources with these types of questions? Never mind…I’ll just call HR. Will there be a formal orientation on Monday or perhaps you could have someone send over some material so I could brush up on the ‘ol technology jargon. I’ll want to know the basics of course, like ‘What does SEO mean?’, and ‘How is it pronounced?’ (is it See-oh, or is each letter pronounced individually, like S-E-O?). I don’t want to come across as an idiot my first day (that’ll come later! LOL! <—-Commonly used acronym for “Laugh Out Loud”….What’ll these kids think of next?…Good grief!).

Also, in your message you said something about lead generation. Should I just generate them randomly or do you have a preferred system you like to use? Either way, I’m cool. Lastly, you mentioned I would be working with mediums, and this is where I’ll have to put my foot down for religious reasons. I’ll work with circus clowns, gypsies, one-eyed hypnotists, and even network marketers, but I absolutely REFUSE to work with mediums. Plus, my brother is currently dating a psychic, and she says it’s going to end very badly.

Well that’s it on my end. I guess I’ll see you on Monday!

Troy

Future Employee of the Month

I could almost hear the sound of Lori spitting her coffee onto her keyboard and monitor. Job or no job, that ought to help me stand out from the crowd!

Long story short, I did end up with an interview for that position. There had indeed been hot chocolate (not coffee) spewed across Lori’s desktop, followed by several moments of expletive-filled panic:

“Who is this nutjob?!”

“Does he really think I offered him a position?!”

“Holy crickets and Frisbees!”

Best. Cover letter. Ever.

In the end we never ended up working together. But we had a great laugh and Lori and I have been friends ever since.

You can read Lori’s account of this incident on her blog, here.

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